Politics (and an old joke)

I spoke the other night at the Somerset JCC to community leaders. We did a session on storytelling and how we tell our stories as Jewish communal professionals to groups and supporters. At the end, a participant asked me about how we deal with the hot-button political issues facing the Jewish world. How do we answer on Russia-Ukraine? What's our response on the peace process? What's our policy on organizations being part or not part of other organizations?

I have two reactions to this.

First, what unites us is always more important than what divides us. And yes, the divisions are critically important. And yes, we need a culture of respect and dialogue.

And second ... I need to tell a joke. Not a particularly funny joke* but a relevant one nonetheless ...

Four Jews are sitting in shul one Shabbat morning.
"Oy," says the first.
"Oy Vey," says the second.
"Oy Gevalt," says the third.
"Listen," says the fourth. "If you fellas are just going to sit here talking politics then I'm going home."


*I thought it was funny. But, you know, no pressure. 

The best joke I heard all week*

Because I was thinking about my colleagues around the world, about the legacy of our history, and because, hey, it's Pesach and I want to write something that makes me smile ....


A Soviet citizen was approached by a new American diplomat in Moscow, who was trying to learn as much as he could about communism.

"Tell me," said the curious diplomat. "As a communist you share everything?"

"Yes," said the local.

"You mean, if you had two houses, you'd give me one?"

"Of course."

"And if you had two cars, you'd let me have one?"

"Absolutely."

"And if you had two stoves, or two TVs, or two fridges, you'd give me one of each?"

"Definitely."

"And if you had two shirts, you'd give me one?"

"No. Not two shirts," said the local.

"Why not?"

"Because I have two shirts."



* It might not be the best joke you'll hear all week. But I didn't get out much.

Cosmonauts and women

I was in Westport the other day, giving a briefing to the Jewish federation on Russia and Ukraine and the work we do together. 

And a random factoid came up, which I want to bring up here. 

We were talking about Saratov, the unofficial second capital of the Volga region of Russia. I made a joke about Yuri Gagarin, Russia’s first cosmonaut, who not only came from Saratov but also landed his Soyuz capsule there (the joke was that he wanted to go home to his mom and dad for dinner*). 

But the other point that lots of Russians have told me was that “Saratov has the most beautiful women in Russia.”

So … I checked with some colleagues and research notes on this issue. And if you ever wanted “proof” (such as it is) for how long-lasting some impressions can be in these areas … here’s a good example. 

The story that beautiful women are from Saratov comes from 1247, when the conquering Tartars (yes, the same ones we’re now talking about in Crimea) ordered all the beautiful women of Russia to go to Saratov.

You could legitimately claim that things may have changed slightly in the last 700 years.
But then you’d be grappling with the weight of history. 

*it was funny. You had to be there.

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The best joke you'll see all day*

Just because it's a good joke. And because I've been thinking about my amazing colleagues in the field, in Ukraine and across the former Soviet Union today.


A teacher was quizzing her pupils about the differences between decadent, capitalist America and Socialist Russia.

"Tell us, Ivan," she asked. "What is the United States like?"

"The United States is a capitalist country where millions of people are unemployed, and millions more are starving and miserable," he said.

"Very good, Ivan. Now, Sasha, you tell us what is the goal of the Soviet Union?"

"To catch up with the United States."


*if your standards for humor are as low as mine


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